courtney stodden pregnant

Please bow your heads and say a small prayer for Instagram’s servers. Between Kim Kardashian vowing to post nude selfies until she’s nothing but lumps of re-distributed fat sliding around inside a skin sleeping bag and kicks the bucket, and Courtney Stodden announcing her pregnancy before the pee even dried on the stick, those servers are going to need all the intervention–divine or otherwise–they can get.

The statement that’s swirling around from Courtney came from her injected, greasy lips to Us Weekly‘s ears.

“It’s a bittersweet time for me right now. I’m dealing with a lot of stress and emotions surrounding life and its ups and downs. Doug and I weren’t planning on going public with this so soon. I’m only four weeks along in my pregnancy. But some things are out of your control.”

I first saw her confirmation on Page Six and thought there would be more to the story. Courtney has been duking it out on Lifetime’s The Mother/Daughter Experiment: Celebrity Edition with her estranged mother, Krista Keller. I assumed the early pregnancy announcement was tied to some manufactured drama pitting the evil mother who pushed her 16-year-old daughter into a marriage with a man 34 years her senior against the couple who has survived against the odds. If Courtney is going to make it sound like she and husband Doug Hutchinson‘s hands were forced, where’s the backstory that necessitated such an angsty statement? I can only award Courtney one star out of five on the Sliding Famewhore Scale if this is all there is to it.

Courtney and Doug married in 2011. She skyrocketed to D-list fame as a teenaged bride who slowly morphed into a lower rent Heidi Montag while he remained a middle aged washed up actor playing the part of the neighborhood spending his free time trying to lure kids into a back alley where his panel van with the tear stained air mattress awaits. They appeared on Couples Therapy the year after they wed, broke things off in 2013 and got back together the following year. Best of luck to them, their baby (or “baby” if you’re not buying it) and the next chapter of their half-assed attempts to manufacture marketable drama.