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Out of all of the egotistical delusions brought forth by celebrities, I think I’ll miss Kanye West‘s the most in a purely LOL, fuck that guy kind of way. He was on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and she asked if he regrets any of his longwinded Twitter rants. That paved the way for Kanye to launch into a longwinded, seven minute-long verbal rant and he covered everything from bitching about Mark Zuckerberg’s unwillingness to make Kanye’s brain one of his charity cases to the blinding whiteness of the Oscars to the condition he claims to have that allows him to see sound.

(Kanye: Thanks for nothing, Zuckerberg. The rest of us: Thanks for keeping that checkbook closed, bro.)
“I understand Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t use Twitter, even though I have had dinner with him and his wife and told them about how I wanted to help the world, and he said he’d help me, and blah blah blah. That’s how it feels though, it’s like the pursuit of happiness, it’s like you’re trying to sell this bone density machine, you know in that movie….”

“I feel that if I had more resources, I could help more people. I have ideas that can make the human race’s existence within our 100 years better. Period. Fuck the paparazzi, whatever perception you have of me, starting with the truth, started with what everyone’s thinking, start there, put some dope shit with it.”

(He’s just upholding his genetic legacy.)
“I care about people. My dad lived in homeless shelters less than five years ago, to find out…he’s a psych major. My mom was the first black female chair of the English department of the Chicago State University. I was raised to do something, to make a difference.”

(About the Oscars:)
“I didn’t take the Oscars as a joke. You know, ‘All black actors can talk about the glass ceilings we’ve dealt with, talk about how many times you’ve been blocked from being able to excel.’ It ain’t no joke.”

(Does he own any other biographies, or just those three?)
“Picasso is dead, Steve Jobs is dead, [Walt] Disney is dead. Name someone living that you can name in the same breath as them. We’re one race, the human race, we’re a blip in the existence of the universe and we’re constantly trying to pull each other down. It’s like I’m shaking talking about it, I feel I can make a difference while I’m here, I feel I can make a difference through my skill set.”

(He has a condition, alright.)
“I have a condition called synaesthesia where I see sounds. Everything I sonically make is a painting. I see it. I see the importance and the value of everyone being able to experience a more beautiful life.”

(On fancying himself the Michael Jackson of apparel:)
“I’m sitting with [President Barack] Obama, and Leo [DiCaprio]‘s talking about the environment, and I’m talking about clothes, and everyone looks at me like, that’s not an important issue. But I remember going to school in fifth grade and wanting to have a cool outfit,” he says. “I want to take away bullying.”

(Us Weekly)

Please raise your hand if you feel the greater good has benefited from one or more of the following:

1. Sonic paintings that include lyrics such as: “Uh, I’m a rap-lic priest” and “Now if I fuck this model/And she just bleached her asshole/And I get bleach on my T-shirt/I’mma feel like an asshole.”
2. A pair of Yeezys or a $120 white tee shirt
3. Kanye’s skill set, in part or as a whole
4. Whatever the hell “dope shit” is

Image: Instagram