Life got you down? Struggling at work? Going through a breakup? Kids sucking your will to live and making you wish he’d pulled out faster? Chin up, buttercup. There are uplifting messages everywhere in the world if you know where to look. A kind word from a friend. A mumbled, “I’d fuck her if I had to” from the transient gentleman who alternates between catcalling women and flipping them off outside the Walgreens in a dodgy neighborhood. And even Mariah Carey comes through with something profound on occasion when she isn’t being pushed around on dollies or helped downstairs, or pretending Jennifer Lopez doesn’t exist.
During an appearance with Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live!, Mariah was asked about her upcoming wedding to James Packer, the Australian billionaire with the busted face and beautiful bank account. She clutched her pearls over rumors the event will be circus-themed and then tossed out the same kind of uplifting material found on Twitter accounts with screen names like @justgirlthings.
Andy: “Will there be a prenup?. You’re both very valuable.”
I’m at a place in my personal fitness (fatness?) where all jeans are mom jeans. Pocket size and placement doesn’t matter. When you’re shaped like the cushions from a busted love seat someone with high hopes and terrible taste in home decor is trying to unload at a garage sale from the back (and can only cry in so many fitting rooms before dehydration sets in), you learn to embrace ass-covering tops instead of questing to find the perfect jeans. When you’re shaped like Sophia Bush, the search for jeans turns purposely mom and becomes Instagram-able.
Sophia has been on my girl crush list ever since I started watching Chicago P.D. Much like Jeffrey Dean Morgan yesterday, her dimples are worthy of some tent-pitching. Throw in the rest of the beauty, the charitable heart and the raspy voice and we have some eye and ear candy on our hands.
I’ll take Terrible, Punny Titles Designed To Objectify Men for $800, Alex. And Chris Hemsworth any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
The first official trailer for the Ghostbusters reboot starring Kristen Wiig, Leslie Jones, Melissa McCarthy and Kate McKinnon came out two months ago. Since then, it has racked up more than 32 million views, 800,000 downvotes, and 200,000 mostly negative comments from fanboys and fuckboys alike on YouTube. Undeterred by the backlash because they have a $154 million product to promote even if Ghostbusters purists are coming out of the woodwork, Sony has released a new trailer heavy on the Hemsworth. Whipping out the one dick on the starting roster isn’t going to do much to appease those who believe deep down that the only feasible team to fight the paranormal in a two hour-long display of pure fiction is one that is vagina-free, but I appreciate the effort nonetheless.
P.S. I want that hood ornament for my Toyota minivan.
Three months after she dropped her New York lawsuit against Bill Cosby stemming from a bad touch incident that supposedly went down at the Playboy Mansion in 2008, Chloe Goins has widened the net of her litigious efforts to snare Hugh Hefner.
Filing a new lawsuit in California, she has put the pussy peddler into legal bed with the Quaalude peddler, accusing Hef of introducing her to Cosby at a party when she was 18, knowing full well he was a sexual predator. Chloe claims Hef served her alcohol even though she wasn’t of legal drinking age and “maybe other substances,” then instructed her to lie down in a bedroom. It was that night she alleges Cosby “molested” her while she was incapacitated and Chloe wants Hef to be held responsible for his part in creating a potentially rapey environment.
“Defendant HEFNER’s actions of inviting and hosting young and impressionable and possibly minor children lo his residence, and providing alcoholic beverages and or foreign substances was negligent at the very least. Additionally, his act of inviting or housing and introducing Defendant COSBY, the Defendant HEFNER knew or should have known had a history of severe and serial sexual battery and or possibly rape of women was negligent at the very least, and Defendant HEFNER knew or should have known such actions would lead to harm of his invitees and Plaintiff.”