One of the most infuriating parts about the entertainment industry is when celebrities not known for their deep thinking or having particularly voluptuous frontal lobes are asked profound questions. The result is almost always an unsurprising disappointment. Yesterday during the opening ceremony of the Cannes film festival, master of ceremonies and French comedian Laurent Lafitte lobbed some provocative material at the crowd, namely a jab at Woody Allen: “It’s very nice that you’ve been shooting so many movies in Europe, even if you are not being convicted for rape in the U.S.”
Woody told the press he wasn’t offended by the joke right before he shrugged off son Ronan Farrow‘s op-ed published yesterday that accused Woody of being a child molester by saying it’s “silly” and he doesn’t read anything anyone writes about him. He may not have been bothered by it, but one member of his harem of ingénues stepped up to be angry enough for the both of them. Café Society cast member Blake Lively told Variety Laurent pissed all over the virtue of Cannes by making jokes at her director’s expense.
“I think any [joke] about rape, homophobia, or Hitler is not a joke. I think that was a hard thing swallow in 30 seconds. Film festivals are such a beautiful, respectful [celebration] of film and artists and to have that, [I] felt like it wouldn’t have happened if it was in the 1940s. I can’t imagine Fred Astaire and Bing Crosby going out and doing that. It was more disappointing for the artists in the room that someone was going up there making jokes about something that wasn’t funny.”
Some may say having an entire industry turn a blind eye to a man who has a sketchy view of women and their place at his feet at best and inappropriate sexual relationships with some of them at worst lies somewhere on the disappointing and not funny scale. But Blake knows what side her bread is buttered on, and she doesn’t appear to be concerned with sounding like a twit. That’s the perfect combination for toeing the line when it comes to Woody.
Blake also told Variety she had not read Ronan’s op-ed and felt flapping her yapper about something without the full backstory was dangerous.
“I came home and went to bed at whatever time we finished. I don’t want to speak on something I haven’t read. I think that’s dangerous.”
It wouldn’t surprise me if Blake started a hashtag movement. #KeepCannesPrettyAndIckySubjectFree2k16.
Along with the rest of the free world, Twitter has decided it’s had just about enough of Azealia Banks and her brand of shit. Earlier this week, got into it online with Zayn Malik, formerly of One Direction. She accused him of ripping off one of her videos, then called him the f-word gay slur before referring to him as a “hairy curry scented bitch.” Before her thumbs got tired, she had directed her ever-present anger toward 14-year-old Disney star Skai Jackson, Lady Gaga and Rihanna.
I read this morning that Azealia tried deleting her entire Twitter timeline going back a few months. I also read a snarky comment that said since she’s not actually putting out any decent music anymore, she certainly has that kind of time on her hands. Her efforts were too little, too late because Twitter has suspended her account, presumably for violating their terms of service when it comes to using slurs and hate speech. No word on whether her account is in a time out or if she’s been kicked out for good.
Before she cracked her knuckles and went to work on Twitter, Azealia posted about the similarities between her video and Zayn’s on Instagram.
A photo posted by Azealia Banks (@azealiabanks) on
Oh, to be a fly on that wall to see what made her flip the switch between casual acceptance and the 110% dedication to losing her shit. I’ll leave you all with some wise words from Jackée Harry. She swears this wasn’t a subtweet to Azealia, but I have my doubts.
If you had $10 and the next box of breakroom Krispy Kremes on Kylie Jenner winning the Kardashian Planted Media Story lottery in an attempt to direct attention away from Blac Chyna‘s pregnancy, congratulations. You’re as much of a winner as one can be betting on this bottomless bucket of farts that calls itself a family.
TMZ reports Kylie and Tyga have called it quits after less than two years of official dating and even more time skirting the issue of adults having sex with minors and good taste. The relationship ended a few days before the Met Gala and Kylie is reportedly pissed he still attended even though she cut him loose. In her eyes, that means Tyga should be treated as a persona non grata. I don’t disagree that his ass doesn’t belong at the Met Ball, but if we’re going to weigh and measure worthiness, Kylie would be found wanting, too, if Vogue hadn’t crawled up her family’s overstuffed assed to make camp.
Please stay tuned for the are they/are they not broken up roller coaster followed by another announcement that they are on again. If you’re convinced this is it or that Kylie and Tyga have never stunted for media exposure, please do some finger strengthening exercises before trying to scroll through this timeline of their every move.
Fresh off a spectacularly awkward performance in which he struggled to play himself, Johnny Depp spent some time at Disneyland effin’ with the crowds. Dressed as the Mad Hatter to promote the upcoming Alice Through the Looking Glass, a video feed of Johnny livestreamed on a billboard movie poster. He started off slowly, blinking and moving, then amped up the weird when people started to realize he could see and hear them. I find myself disappointed no actors were on hand to compliment my kids on their “wonderful craniums” when we took them to Disneyland a few years ago. It’s like I went through three perineum tears for nothing.
Alice Through the Looking Glass is out on May 27 and has received mixed reviews. Visually, it’s the equivalent of trick-or-treating in the high-end neighborhood that gives out full-sized Hershey bars. From a storytelling perspective, the overwhelming opinion plays out more like that cranky old lady down the street who gives out raisins.
The video below can be summed up in one sentence: We are all Heather.
Name: Caitriona Balfe DOB: October 4, 1979 in Dublin, Ireland Age: 36 Fun Fact: Discovered at the mall while collecting money for charity when she was 19, and went on to do runway and print modeling for elite designers including Valentino, Dolce & Gabbana, Armani and Dior.
I received an email yesterday with a link to a photo of Caitriona from the same set as the header and a note of, “Is it too much to ask my hair and smokey eye do this??!?!?!” For someone with my level of hair and face paint skills, yes. Yes, it is. I’d try to do that high volume side part with a delicately lined eye and wind up looking like New Wave revival enthusiast who took makeup tips from Taylor Momsen.
Caitriona is in Cannes with George Clooney, Jodie Foster and all 34,983 of Julia Roberts‘ teeth to present their film Money Monster. Moviefone.com described it as a “financial crisis story” that “plays out in real time.” All the love in the world to Cait, but I’m going to have to sit this one out. I can’t even handle watching my own life play out in real time.
When she isn’t rubbing elbows in France, she plays time traveling Sassenach Claire Fraser on Outlander alongside BAMF J.A.M.M.F. (James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser, and don’t forget to take a breath in there somewhere), played by Sam Heughan.
Below the cut is a round-up of some of Caitriona’s best looks. Yes, I straightened my spine and sucked in my layer of winter padding looking at her poses. And yes, I still look like a banana slug trying to sit upright.