It’s not a secret that Fifty Shades of Grey started out as Twilight fan fiction. Anybody with at least half a working eye and a fourth grade reading level could draw the parallels between the two book series. It remains to be seen if Fifty will be as successful a film franchise as Twilight (HAHAHAHAHA it won’t) and if stars Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan will be thrust up into the fangirl stratosphere like Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson were (probably not).

Looking at pictures of Dakota and Kristen together at Paris Fashion Week, two things come to mind. One, why the fuck does Kristen insist on looking like a transient teen who could be found on any street corner in San Francisco playing a ukelele badly and openly speaking out against “The Man” when someone has the misfortune to make eye contact with her?

And two, how long did it take her to whisper, “Leave now and never come back!” in a Gollum voice to Dakota before launching into an expletive and hair tossing-laced diatribe about how horrible the fame is that comes with portraying an idolized character?

(We already know Robert probably already sent Jamie a warning as well, except in his case it was just a 40 minute video of himself in the fetal position on the floor crying.)

Here are pics more of Kristen and Dakota. Kristen is wearing some doily-looking I Dream of Jeanie shit and has roots that would make a Cracker Barrel alley hooker blush. Dakota looks like a middle-aged Beverly Hills housewife who is hiding her latest eyelid lift behind large sunglasses. Very fresh and youthful, ladies.

(As far as the post title goes, you can decide which one’s the flea market version.)